greetings from new jersey...

dear africa,
its over. don't get nervous, it doesn't mean that i never want to see you again, its just that i have to be with america right now. america and i have been together for a long time...it's my home...we have history. i know i've said that america can't meet my needs anymore and its not going in the same direction i am, but i have to try one more time. i'd just like to take the time tell you how much fun i've had with you during the past 3 months.

i'd heard so much about you before we met, i wasn't sure what to expect. i decided to prepare for everything and plan for nothing. i was walking off of the plane, it was still full of america and some lingering europe when a breeze passed through the walkway and, although i didn't realize it then, it was you... the smells of cooking food, standing water, burning. by the time i dragged my luggage out to the curb you were all over me. while i sat sweating in the back of the van, a swedish organic produce buyer explained that it was so humid because the flashes in the distance were lightning and it would rain soon. we rolled through the gate into the guest house's compound and a woman opened the door and said "you're welcome." i hadn't even said thank you.

it took a little while for me to figure you out. i walked from the mzungu mansion to danita in the middle of the day and couldn't find you. i learned later that most of the time that's when you take naps. (good idea) i got ripped off consistently at the market. it took me a little while to follow the arrows and go in the evening. once we got on the same schedule, things went a lot more smoothly. thank you for the crisp morning bike rides, the pineapple slices in the bag, swimming in the nile.

i appreciate each and every day we had together. i know sometimes we disagreed; it wasn't all lollipops and unicorns. i still don't understand why african women work so hard and are still so consistently disrespected. hopefully one day we can celebrate together when they are celebrated as the strong, beautiful foundation that they are. i won't even get into child sacrifice and inter-tribal conflict. we all have our shortcomings and we were able to do some work on our respective faults together.

as soon as it began, it was over. i feel happy for the time we had together and sad for the relationship started and departed from. i don't want to hurt you, but i don't know if we can ever really be together. we just come from such different places. you helped me realize parts of our life that are new and exciting and at the same time ancient and hopeless. people are people, right? your reality was so intense that sometimes i retreated into old patterns and habits and television to deal. i'm sorry for that. i want to face all you have to offer, but then i think to myself "can i really do anything here? is this my place to act?" maybe i'm more effective with america. we know eachother so well and have so many things in common. we share the same background and communicate in the same ways. we don't always have to speak slowly and clearly to each other the way i have to do with you, africa, and there aren't as many misunderstandings. on the other hand, maybe communication is more effective when you have to pay so much attention to it. well, i certainly have a lot to think about this winter. speaking of that, i will miss your warmth so much.

thank you. i hope to see you again. i'll let you know how things are going here. i have to see if america is the one for me. even if it does work, i'll be back to visit.


Thank you.
Love,
Amberle